May 17, 2009 at Saint Mark in Norman, OK
Acts of the Apostles 10:25-26 + Psalm 98 + 1 John 4, 7-10 + John 15: 9-17
Worse than a pandemic of flu and more harmful even than HIV or AIDS is another illness spreading through the human community in our time. It is wearing away at human relationships and isolating people. It reveals a profound truth that this Gospel addresses today. The sickness spreading among us is internet porn, and no one is safe from it. Addiction to it begins like any chemical addiction: first simply through curiosity and then before you know it (and that’s the important part: BEFORE) a little is not enough. It has invaded the finest homes and is a secret that worms its way into lives and hearts. With shame and confusion, it leaves helpless those who are trapped by its lure. In the end it is an epidemic of loneliness and self-doubt: a painful condition medicated away wrongly by a cyber person who will never reject us and is available on demand at the click of a mouse. Usually, some cyber face better looking than anyone we would risk meeting in real life appears all because we fear that they would take a second look at us in real life.
It’s all about desire: the desire for another person. That desire is buried deep in our bones, and this desire is different from other desires. We desire chocolate or peanut butter cups, some new gadget, or clothing. We desire success and money – but these desires are for our sake. The desire for another person at its best is when we desire them for their sake not as a possession but as a partner. We desire them for what we can give them, do for them, and provide for them; not for what they can do for us like money and success, or chocolate. There is something different here.
But that’s not all; we also find a desire that they desire us. Our desiring makes them valuable. Their desire makes us valuable. Here is where today’s Gospel begins to speak to us. It is a Gospel full of love. Jesus wants to be loved revealing God’s desire to be loved. We want to be loved ultimately unfolding our desire for God. I believe that the essence of being human is the desire to be desired by the one we desire.
The words Jesus will speak in today’s Gospel are the last he will speak before he makes his way to the cross. They are the last words of the Gospel we shall hear before we celebrate the Ascension. Now we know why Jesus has come among us, and now we know what His father wants to say to us. “Remain in me!” He says. “Remain in my love.” This is divine desire for us on the lips of Jesus. The desires that stir in us all spring from the depth of our humanity, and no matter what they are on the surface, it is always and ultimately our desire for the one who desires us. The essence of being human is the desire to be desired by the one we desire.
Everyone one of us knows that even when a desire is satisfied, it is less than perfect. If that taste of a piece of chocolate was perfect, we would never reach for the second piece. If some other person was perfect in desire with us, it would never wane or get distracted. If some other person was perfect, we would never look at another, Yet the truth is, no one can ever meet our needs, match our wants or complete our desires. We always desire more. Intellectually we understand this through our spiritual tradition; but somehow, we fail to integrate that understanding into our experience.
In other words, we know that the root of our desire is for God, and we understand the revelation of scripture that God desires, loves, and cares for us; but we split our love into two compartments. We elevate love of God and spiritualize it, and in effect, we de-humanize God’s love, and this is a problem.
We have to keep our love on a single level. We have to understand that our desire for piece of pie or four scoops of ice cream is part of our desire for God, and that our desire for peace is a desire for divine shalom; that our desire for another person is a participation in our desire for God. Every desire leads to God if it is a good desire. Each of us is a living throbbing desire to be desired by the God we desire.
That God is not found on a computer screen or a chat room. All we find there is ourselves.
That’s the difference between a cyber relationship and a marriage covenant. In fact, it is what make marriage a covenant and sacrament, because in that sacred relationship the desire for God is ordered into a desire for another who desires us. It is the same with a Eucharistic community. Our hunger for God finds its expression in our hunger to be here together. God’s hunger for us finds its expression in God’s desire to feed us with this sacrament.
And so that God speaks to us today with desire and longing that is not just spiritual. It is real, human, powerful, and healing. “Remain in me.” It echoes the plea of those disciples on their way to Emmaus: “Stay with us.” It is the cry of the church a week before the Ascension of Jesus. “Do not leave us.” It is the cry of God in the human heart: “Do not leave me.” It is the cry of the church to its young people; “Do not leave us.” Here we learn the meaning of desire. Here we learn the meaning of love.